Wednesday, July 6, 2016

"Stupid, Silly Girl" thinking...

"What were you thinking??" she screamed into the phone. "You are a stupid, silly girl!"

Without even seeing it coming, my heart was slowly breaking into a gazillion pieces because of my affair.  I never thought I would lose him... and I surely never thought losing him would hurt this much!!  What was I thinking?!  Let me tell you...

I was thinking I had finally found my soul mate.  We had sooooo much in common!!  We could talk for hours.  The amount of inside jokes that we had with each other was ridiculous yet so much fun.  

I was thinking that I could finally open my heart and myself up to another guy.  I never thought I would be able to do that with anyone else besides Will.  I was comfortable with TJ...emotionally and physically.

I was thinking I could have a future with him.  He could do the one thing that I believe is most important in life, he made me laugh...and laugh and laugh and laugh!

I was thinking that he felt the same way... he fooled me... he played me... he used me... 

What I should have been thinking (which was probably happening deep down in my subconscious but ignored) was that I am a "stupid, silly girl."  All of those things that I was thinking weren't true.  He never really cared for me or he wouldn't have abandoned me like yesterday's garbage... he just left... my soul mate just left... and he took my heart with him.

"Stupid, silly girl" how did you not see this coming?! 

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